1. Introduction
   1. John Gray
   2. Why old parenting techniques are outdated
   3. Five messages
2. Step 1: Skills to create cooperation (8)
   1. Ask, don't order
   2. Use would you, not could you
   3. Give up rhetorical questions
   4. Be direct
   5. Give up explanation
   6. Give up lectures
   7. Don't use your feelings
   8. Use the Magic Word " Let's"
3. Step 2: Skills to minimise resistance
   1. Four ways of nurturing our children's needs
      1. Listening and understanding
      2. Preparation and structure
      3. Distraction and direction
      4. Ritual and Rythm
   2. Four different Tempraments
      1. Sensitive
      2. Active
      3. Responsive
      4. Receptive
   3. Other lasting habits
      1. The Gift of singing
      2. Making chores fun
      3. The Gift of Reading
      4. Loving and practical rituals
4. Step 3:Skills to improve communication
   1. Know what they need
   2. Take time to listen
   3. The two conditions
   4. Hard love Vs Soft love parenting
   5. Learning to delay gratification
   6. Meeting your children's needs
5. Step 4: Skills for increasing motivation
   1. History of punishment
   2. Alternative to punishment
   3. Two reasons Children resist
   4. Negative Vs positive acknowlegment
   5. The magic of rewards
6. Step 5:Skills for asserting leadership
   1. Learning how to command
   2. Don't use emotions to command
   3. It's ok to make mistakes
   4. Yelling doesn't work
   5. Make commands positive
   6. Command but don't explain
   7. A better way of commanding
   8. Choose your battles
7. Step 6: Skills for maintaining control
   1. The need for time out
   2. How negative feelings get released
      1. Angry and frustrated
      2. Sad or hurt
      3. Afraid and vulnerable
   3. The Ideal Time out
   4. Four Mistakes Parents make
      1. They use only time out
      2. They don't use time out enough
      3. They expect their children to sit quietly
      4. They use time out as a deterrent or punishment
   5. Adjusting your will, not caving in
   6. Three Strikes and you are out
   7. When time out doesn't work
8. How to make the Five Messages work
   1. It's ok to be different
      1. Gender differences
         1. Different needs for trust and caring
         2. Mr. Fix-it Vs Mrs. Home improvement
         3. Boys forget and girls remember
      2. Different generations
      3. Different tempraments
      4. Different body types
      5. Different intelligences
         1. Academic
         2. Emotional
         3. Physical
         4. Creative
         5. Artistic
         6. Intuitive
         7. Gifted
      6. Different speeds of learning
         1. Runners
            1. Very fast learners
         2. Walkers
            1. Dream Children. Learn what you teach
         3. Jumpers
            1. Slowly learn, then jump
   2. It's ok to make mistakes
      1. FM innocence to responsibility
      2. Learning responsibility
      3. Hardwired to self correct
      4. Your child's learning curve
      5. Understanding repetition
      6. Children can't learn from their mistakes
      7. Learning to make amends
      8. Don't punish, make adjustments
      9. How to react when children make mistakes
      10. When it's not ok to make mistakes
          1. Hiding mistakes and not telling the truth
          2. Not setting high standards or taking risks
          3. Defending themselves by justifying themselves or blaming others
          4. Low self-estem and self- punishment
   3. It's ok to express negative feelings
      1. The importance or managing feelings
      2. Learning to manage feelings
         1. Coping with loss
         2. How it helps
      3. The power of empathy
      4. The Five Second Pause
      5. Why Childen resist empathy
      6. When parents express negative emotions
      7. Asking children how they feel
      8. What you supress, your children express
      9. Black sheep children
   4. It's ok to want more
      1. The fears about desire
      2. The virtues of gratitude
      3. Permission to want more
      4. Learning to say No
      5. Asking for more
      6. Giving too much
      7. Children will always want more
      8. Children of divorced parents
      9. The longing of the human spirit
   5. It's ok to resist but mum and dad are the boss
      1. How parents affect their children
      2. Children can't reason, they imitate
      3. The development of cognitive ability
      4. Children's need for reassurance
      5. Children have a different memory
      6. Balancing freedom and control
      7. The nine year stages of maturity
      8. The Development of responsibility
      9. Controlling your preteens and teens
      10. Understanding the generation line
9. Practice
   1. Adolescence
      1. Mothers and Daughters/sons
      2. Fathers and sons/daughters
      3. Teens secretly appreciate limits
      4. What to do when
         1. Your child takes drugs
         2. Uses disrespectful language
      5. Making decisions
      6. The cycles of Seven
      7. Why teens rebel
      8. Improving communication with your teen
         1. No unsolicited advice
         2. Respect their opinion
         3. Sending your teen away
         4. Use "will you" instead of "don't"
         5. Ask what they think