1. what is a problem?
   1. unmet needs
   2. leading to
      1. pain
      2. hurt
      3. discomfort
      4. frustration
      5. anger
      6. irritation
      7. disrespect
2. why
   1. being unaware
      1. of others need
   2. Subtopic 2
3. How
   1. become aware
      1. your need
      2. Others need
      3. your limitations
         1. You can only control you
         2. not the other person's
            1. actions/reactions
      4. maybe your spouse
         1. not capable
         2. Don't have the skills
         3. too wounded to see
   2. Clarify
      1. What do you need
         1. what would make you feel better
         2. What would satisfy the other person
      2. your latent wounds/hurts
         1. childhood
      3. Other person
   3. understand
      1. your needs are valid/valuable/important
      2. So is the other person
      3. love your neighbour as your self
      4. See where the other person is coming from
         1. what is driving their behaviour
         2. What part of them is dominant
      5. peter Gerlach
   4. policy
      1. Policy of Joint agreement
         1. Willard harley
         2. only do something that both of you agree on
         3. negotiate until you are equally happy
         4. sacrificing self
            1. Resentment
         5. There is always a solution even when it appears there is none
   5. Both needs are equal
4. Find alternatives to meeting your need
   1. yourself
   2. Friends
   3. Family
   4. Church
   5. Subtopic 7
5. other solutions
   1. Reframe the problem
      1. the person GWC
         1. Grown wounded child
   2. Understand you are weak too
      1. You too hurt others
   3. Problems are teachers
      1. james
      2. Romans 5
      3. opportunity for growth