1. Phase 2 - Defining Manhood
   1. Session 14 - Saddle Up
      1. pure review (after the break)
      2. Results of the Wounds
         1. be hardened in your woundedness
            1. begin life without God
            2. selfish
            3. self centered
            4. As a son - every man suffers a wound
            5. a a young man - constructs selfish and wounded perspectives
            6. as a man - driven by forces (not understood)
            7. blames others
            8. creates pain
            9. for himself
            10. for others around him
            11. as a man
            12. wealthy men try to buy there way out (of pain)
            13. escape via
            14. drugs
            15. alcohol
            16. sex
            17. sports
            18. work
            19. busyness
            20. in time, grows hardened
            21. small
            22. empty
            23. mundane
            24. bitter
            25. reckless
         2. be delivered from your woundedness
            1. begin life without god - selfish nature
            2. suffer hurt as a son
            3. construct manhood (around wound & selfishness) as a young man
            4. be driven by these forces as a man
            5. seek unhealthy was to escape pain, as a man
            6. harden into lifestyle, as a man
            7. unpack the truth
            8. recognize selfishness
            9. accept responsibility
            10. stop blaming others
            11. grieve over loss
            12. turn to faith in Jesus for help
            13. be born again
            14. pursue new life in christ
            15. hope
            16. health
            17. happiness
   2. Session 15 - Genesis & Manhood, Pt 1
      1. The "Myth"
         1. a myth need NOT be fiction
         2. a myth explains our reality
         3. Genesis "myth" explains & measures manhood, its ideals, its falleness
         4. it describes our ancestral roots
            1. Wide angle - big picture
            2. Close up - our circle
            3. in tight focus - ourselves
      2. Genesis 1 say's...
         1. speaks of male & female value
            1. image
            2. equality
            3. unique
         2. speaks of male & female calling
            1. multiply
            2. subdue
            3. rule
         3. "hints" at social structure
      3. Genesis 2 say's...
         1. Adam 1st
         2. Adam has occupation & responsibility
         3. Adam instructed to lead with His Word
         4. Adam given "suitable helper"
   3. Session 16 - Genesis & Manhood, Pt 2
      1. Male domination is a personal moral failure, not a teaching of the Bible
      2. Genesis 2 says
         1. Adam names his helper - woman
         2. it is the man told to leave and initiate a new household
      3. Genesis 3 says
         1. temptation seeks to corrupt & reverse gods social and spiritual order
         2. God holds Adam not the woman accountable
         3. Adams sin has an unacceptable passivity
         4. Adams curse based on reversal of God created order
      4. Adams sin unleashes destructive curse of domination
      5. Adams death - his "judgement" extends to all who follow.
         1. Adam, not Eve is charged with the fall
         2. Adam renames woman "Eve," as a sign of his leadership
   4. Session 17 - Biblical Manhood
      1. Reminders
         1. be Social & Spiritual Leaders
            1. otherwise chaos ensues
            2. today...
            3. men are confused
            4. woman suffer
            5. family life harmed
            6. society troubled
            7. "as men go so goes the life of society"
         2. core responsibilities
            1. will to obey
            2. work to do
            3. woman to love & protect
         3. key objections
            1. cultural vice creational
            2. a result of the fall vice Gods design
      2. Two Men/Two Identities
         1. Adam
            1. Destiny
            2. manhood on a natural course
            3. based on personal instinct, human reason, & reaction
            4. draws life from others
            5. without transcendent meaning
            6. a living soul, nothing more
            7. Conventional Identity
            8. what a man does
            9. competes with other men
            10. temporal power
            11. personal rewards
            12. SELF
            13. success
            14. Fell into passivity
         2. Jesus (2nd Adam)
            1. Destiny
            2. manhood on heavenly course
            3. yielded to revelation
            4. empowers others
            5. transcendent meaning
            6. "life giving spirit"
            7. Authentic Identity
            8. what a man is
            9. community with other men
            10. transcendent power
            11. eternal rewards
            12. OTHERS
            13. significant
            14. Rejected passivity
            15. real men reject social and spiritual passivity
            16. take a stand
   5. Session 18 - Biblical Manhood 2
      1. Four Differences
         1. Adam
            1. fell into passivity
            2. disregarded responsibilities
            3. abandoned his leadership post
            4. 'sought' the > reward
         2. Christ (the definition of a"real"man)
            1. rejected passivity
            2. accepted responsibility
            3. a will to obey
            4. work to do
            5. woman to love
            6. social & spiritual wellbeing of others rests on him
            7. must be trained to recognize & assume responsibilities
            8. must be honored by other men to accept the role
            9. by being transformed in one's heart by Jesus to honor God
            10. lead courageously
            11. men created to lead, takes courage
            12. set direction
            13. provided protection
            14. made provisions
            15. must master the obstacle of "feelings"
            16. 'expected' the > reward
2. My Plan
   1. Looking Back
      1. personal strengths due to positive experiences and good people in my past
         1. My Dad and his "health" trials
      2. unfinished business
         1. wound not adequately addressed
            1. all alone
            2. bonded mother
         2. decision to move through the pain
         3. what keeps me form addressing wounds
            1. exposure
            2. lazy
         4. whose help do i need
            1. God
         5. how will I address the wounds
            1. reflection and honesty
         6. how will I know when I am finished
            1. I wont, its a process of self improvement
            2. Desire "finished"
            3. content
      3. Past Mistakes
         1. how will I deal with them
            1. let them go, move on
         2. what steps to take
            1. none, past is the past
         3. whose help do I need
            1. its up to me
      4. Past unanswered questions
   2. Looking at Now
      1. how do I evaluate myself?
         1. wound too tight
         2. Need to enjoy the moment
         3. Lead from the head
         4. internally emotional but externally stiff
      2. what manhood responsibilities do I have now?
         1. Caretaker
         2. Provider
         3. Mentor
         4. Thermostat vs Thermometer
      3. do I accept these?
         1. need to be more open & demonstrative
      4. do I have a plan for assuming them?
         1. need to be more deliberate
      5. Where am I Succeeding now?
         1. Caretaker and Provider, mentor to children
      6. Would others agree?
         1. not necessarily, they don't know me
      7. Where am I struggling?
         1. be more open & communicative
         2. be more vulnerable
         3. impatience
         4. being a Thermostat
      8. How reverse
         1. be less reactionary
      9. Key Steps to improve
         1. speatate work and home
         2. don't let others be my thermostat
         3. be less "set in my ways"
      10. Who can help?
          1. my accountability group of men
   3. Looking Ahead
      1. Goals to accomplish true manhood? - List
         1. plan, don't plan & worry!
      2. adjectives that my wife used to describe our marriage
         1. positive
            1. dependable
            2. caring
            3. provider
            4. relatable
            5. consistent
            6. present
         2. negative
            1. dispassionate
            2. distant
            3. preoccupied
            4. wound tight
            5. inflexible
      3. sort of "old man" I wound want to be
         1. carefree
         2. approachable
         3. open to inclusion
         4. engaged
      4. how (I want to be) remembered by those who new me
         1. dependable
         2. reliable
         3. understanding
         4. reasonable
         5. put in the effort
      5. specific experiences & memories I want my children to have
         1. love & support my wife
         2. a provider
         3. fair
   4. GOALS
      1. Lead from the Heart
         1. hold my "logical" tongue
         2. share my feelings
         3. plan family fun outings - let go of it having to be perfect or fully scripted
      2. Make her feel Significant
         1. prioritize acts of service, be there physically & emotionally
         2. deliberately offer public praise
      3. Provide emotional responsiveness
         1. more listening, less defending
         2. tell her what I like about her
3. Phase 3 - Life Stages
   1. Session 19 - Man & His Wife 1
      1. Key Bible Verse 1 Peter 3:7
         1. Must have insight & skill
         2. must show appreciation & value
         3. must honor her equality & worth
      2. 3 Models of Marriage
         1. Traditional - Top Down
            1. Husband is King
            2. Leadership by Lording
            3. Goal = Personal benefits
            4. Effect = A winner & a loser
         2. 50-50 Identical
            1. Husband is Head
            2. Leaderless
            3. Goal = Equality
            4. Effect = difficult balance with hard falls
         3. Biblical Side-by-Side
            1. Husband is Head
            2. Leadership by Responsibility & Sacrifice
            3. Goal = Oneness
            4. Effect = Health, happiness, harmony
      3. Closer Look
         1. Core Issues
            1. Roles
            2. Responsibilities
            3. Concerns
         2. Core Roles
            1. Husband as Servant Leader (head of household)
            2. Wife as servant lover (helper)
   2. Session 20 - Man & His Wife 2
      1. Core Issuess in Biblical Model
         1. Core Role - God gives husband & wife in marriage
            1. Wife is helper
            2. Husband is head
         2. Core Response - empower your mate
            1. husband honor & praise wife
            2. wife submits to husband
         3. Core Concerns - meet mates needs
            1. Wife Needs
            2. Companionship
            3. Security
            4. Significance
            5. Emotional Responsiveness
            6. Husband Needs
            7. Companionship
            8. Admiration
            9. Support
            10. Physical Resposiveness
      2. Why the Biblical Model?
         1. Positions a man & woman for what they do best
         2. Complements rather than competition
         3. healthy environment for children
         4. ideal model for our children to embrace
         5. honors God's word & blessed by Him
         6. Prospers & advances society
   3. Session 21 - How to be a Servant Leader
      1. include wife in envisioning the future
      2. accept spiritual responsibility for family
      3. be willing to say Im sorry and forgive me
      4. discuss household responsibility with wife, make sure they are fairly distributed
      5. seek consultation of wife on all major $ decisions
      6. follow through with commitments make to wife
      7. anticipate the different season of marriage
      8. anticipate the stages children will pass through
         1. kids = coach
         2. teens = counselor
         3. college = consultant
         4. marriage = colleague
      9. frequently tell wife what you like about her
      10. provide financially for basic living expenses
      11. deal with distractions so yo can deal with wife and family
      12. pray with wife on regular basis
      13. initiate meaningful family traditions
      14. plan fun outings for the family on regular basis
      15. take tim to give children practical instruction
      16. keep family financially sound and out of harmful debt
      17. have a will and plan for children in case of death
      18. let wife and children into the interior of my life
      19. honor wife often in public
      20. explain sex to each children in wholesome way
      21. encourage wife to grow as individual
      22. take the lead in establishing sound, biblically supportable family values
      23. join a small group of men, dedicated to improve manhood, fatherhood and husband
      24. provide time for wife to pursue her own persona interests
   4. Session 22 - Fathers & Sons
      1. 3 Types of Parenting
         1. Absent
         2. Engaged
         3. Strategic
      2. 3 Ingredients of Strategic Fatherhood
         1. DIG = Dads Compelling Character
         2. SET = Dads Clear Instruction
         3. SPIKE = Dads creative ceremonies
         4. 2
         5. 3
      3. 5 Charcteristics of Memorialble Ceremony
         1. are costly
         2. ascribe value to the person being celebrated
         3. employ symbols
         4. involve others who are significant
         5. empower a life with vision
      4. Sample Ceremonies
         1. the Knighthood Model
         2. the "Page" ceremony of puberty
         3. the "squire" ceremony of laving home
         4. the "knight" ceremony of college graduation
         5. the "oath" ceremony of marriage
      5. Every Son Needs to be Initiated into Manhood
         1. Be creative
         2. Your son will love it!
   5. Session 23 - Fathers & Daughters
   6. Session 24 - A Man & His Life journey
      1. Life Cycle
         1. Four Seasons
            1. Spring = 0 to 22 = Childhoold & Adolescence
            2. Summer = 17 to 45 = Early Adulthood
            3. Fall = 40 to 65 = Middle Age
            4. Winter = 60 + = Late Adulthood
         2. Six Stages
            1. Creation Stage = 0 to 20
            2. gifts and talents
            3. acceptance & development OR confusion & missed opportunity
            4. Phallic Stage = 13 to 25
            5. sexual energy
            6. mastery OR enslavement
            7. Warrior Stage = 20 to 40
            8. drive to establish onesolf
            9. life in the fight
            10. Wounded Stage = 40 to 50
            11. powerful revaluations
            12. renewal OR rut
            13. Mature Stage = 50 to 60
            14. deeper meaning
            15. strategic moves and mentoring
            16. Sage Stage = 60+
            17. standard bearer
            18. special contributions
            19. leaving a legacy
4. Phase 1 - Understanding
   1. Session 1 - Promises
      1. Presuppositions
         1. in a state of confusion
            1. confused men create major problems
            2. confused men settle for less
         2. no lofty vision of manhood compelling to men
         3. the Bible has insights that can help
      2. Orientation
         1. 1 - Core Identity
            1. Wounds
            2. The Boy Must Die
            3. Seize Your Manhood
         2. 2 - Chief Responsitlitiies
            1. Work, Life, Wife
            2. The Man Must Step Forward
            3. Establish your manhood
         3. 3 - Chosen Identity
            1. Adventure, Design, Life Focus
            2. Must Live the Adventure
            3. Maximize your Manhood
      3. Roots
         1. Industrial Revolution
         2. WWII
         3. Feminism
      4. Promises
         1. Definition of Manhood
         2. Develop Manhood Language
         3. Significant personal discoveries
         4. make new friends
         5. your own Plan for achieving Manhood
   2. Session 2 - 4 Faces
      1. King
         1. reflecting righteous energy
         2. characterized by
            1. strong convictions
            2. courageous moral choices
            3. servant spirit
            4. righteous leadership
      2. Warrior
         1. reflecting conquering energy
         2. characterized by
            1. initiative
            2. protecting
            3. providing
            4. leadership
            5. fighting
      3. Lover
         1. reflecting romantic energy
         2. characterized by
            1. tenderness
            2. sensitivity
            3. sacrificial care
            4. emotional openness
            5. physical affection
      4. Friend
         1. reflecting connecting energy
         2. characterized by
            1. loyalty
            2. accountability
            3. challenge
            4. fun
         3. in scripture
            1. A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need - Prov 17:17
            2. Iron Sharpens Iron - Prov 27:17
      5. Observations
         1. honorable faces replaced by ugly caricatures
         2. men lack a king, without Him the warrior is harmed and harms
         3. culture has emasculated the warrior
            1. soft male
            2. indecisive direction
            3. weak leadership
         4. world desperate for the four-faced balance of real manhood
   3. Session 3 - Looking Back
      1. Moments that Shaped Me
         1. Good Moments
         2. Noble Moments
         3. Missed Moments
         4. Hurtful Moments
         5. Defining Moments
      2. Observations
         1. Your are not unique, nor alone
         2. Not connecting with Dad has consequences
         3. Men don't reckon with their past - unfinished business
         4. Unpack past, deal with the pain to move forward
         5. Cannot do it alone
         6. you are shaped by your experienced family life
   4. Session 4 - Unpacking
      1. Struggles (due to...)
         1. society
         2. family dynamics
         3. Dad
      2. Critical issues
         1. address unfinished business - the WOUNDS
            1. Absent father
            2. Overly bonded mother
            3. all alone
            4. Lack of vision - being lost
            5. Heart
         2. establish a Vision
         3. create a workable Plan
   5. Session 5 - Dad
      1. Absent FatherWound
         1. ongoing emotional, social, and/or spiritual Deficit
         2. Results
            1. anger & pain
            2. extreme behavior
            3. inner sense of lossless/incompleteness
            4. homosexuality
         3. what a son wants
            1. time together
            2. life skills
            3. direction - solid "whys"
            4. dads heart
   6. Session 6 - Facing the Father Wound
      1. Where we are...
         1. making sense of why we are the way we are
            1. we each have a story
            2. were a product of our past
            3. controlled by past until we choose to break that control
         2. explore the 1st wound that shaped us
         3. this wound is epidemic today
      2. 8 Remedies
         1. its never too late (to close the gap)
         2. seek help & a strategy
         3. touch the wound responsibly
            1. forgive your dad
            2. believe in God's justice
         4. make sure your son has the essentials
            1. He hears
            2. Im proud of you
            3. Your good at....
            4. I love you
            5. he has
            6. a manhood vision
            7. a code of conduct
            8. a cause
         5. seek reconciliation (with your own dad)
         6. ask for your fathers love
         7. as for your fathers blessing
         8. reclaim the father/son relationship
            1. be a good dad to YOUR son
   7. Session 7 - the Mother wound
      1. break from Mom's physical bondness
      2. break from Mom's emotional bondness
      3. Defined
         1. an unhealthy emotional relationship whereby son is threatened by the influence of women later in life
            1. over identify woman's influence
            2. become submissive to woman's influence
      4. Characteristics
         1. subtle
         2. disguised as love and care
         3. due to over-attention
         4. looks like love, but is control
         5. can shape and warp masculine psyche
      5. Occurs because
         1. absent or distant father
         2. mother who is...
            1. Ignorant
            2. needy/hurting
            3. unwilling to release
            4. filling in for Dad
      6. Manifests itself in adulthood
         1. men who are dominant and controlling to woman
         2. men who are passive and submissive to woman
   8. Session 8 - healthy break from mom
      1. Jesus' clarity with His mom
         1. relational
         2. social
         3. spiritual
         4. ...a "healthy" ending
      2. 7 Ways to Heal the wound
         1. breaking from Mom is good, manhood impossible without it
         2. goal is what God thinks (not mom)
         3. stop complaining/struggling with mom
         4. communicate your plan
            1. relate differently
            2. face-to-face
         5. use men in your life for accountability
         6. its yours to fix (not your wife's)
         7. may result in blowback, she'll adjust, or not :)
      3. Critical Needs = fathers to call sons away from dependency on mom
         1. be clear and direct
         2. must be embraced by sons
         3. needs a ceremony
         4. Masculinity starts at home!
   9. Session 9 - all alone wound
      1. 3 Relationships that bless a man
         1. admiring mentor
         2. side by side friend
         3. needy protege
      2. The wound is...
         1. social emotional and spiritual loss caused by lack of male comradeship
            1. loneliness --> discouragement
            2. foolish behavior & blindspots
            3. short sighted masculinity
      3. the point is...
         1. men benefit from men
      4. the downside
         1. warped perspective of/on life
         2. loose living
         3. loss of motivation
         4. lost opportunities
      5. Scripture say's
         1. Iron Sharpens Iron
         2. friends stick together
         3. 2 better than 1
         4. a friend loves, a brother is born for adversity
         5. motivate one another
         6. reaffirm vows of friendship
      6. What you can do...
         1. Keys to friendship
            1. loyalty
            2. faithfulness
            3. encouragement
         2. reach out
         3. challenging others
         4. get real, share your heart
         5. enjoy life together
   10. Session 10 - Mentors
       1. Dad can only take you so far
       2. is not discipleship
       3. 5 aspects...
          1. supports rather than completes you
          2. a cheerleader NOT a critic
          3. seeks to encourage & protect you from mistakes
          4. admires and delights in you
          5. not always a close friend -- a close confidant
       4. a mentor brings
          1. wisdom
          2. warnings
          3. belief in you
          4. cheers
          5. a hero
       5. Impact
          1. for the mentor
             1. closes the loop on life's cycle
             2. connects in symbiotic relationship
             3. allows teaching from experience
             4. gives purpose
             5. adds satisfaction to one's later stages of life
          2. for the mentee
             1. Hope
             2. wisdom
             3. vision
             4. encouragement
       6. 10 Qualities of a good mentor
          1. has what you need
          2. cultivates relationship
          3. takes a chance on you
          4. respected by other men
          5. has network of resources
          6. consulted by others
          7. talks AND listens
          8. consistent lifestyle
          9. can diagnose your need
          10. concerned with your interests
       7. Bible's mentors
          1. Moses & Jehtro
          2. Timothy & Paul
          3. Jesus & the 12
          4. David & Jonathan
       8. To be a mentor
          1. make list of strengths & experiences
          2. assess time you can give
          3. pray and choose a young man
          4. connect and initiate time together
          5. pray for wisdom & guidance
          6. ask courageously
          7. stay positive (even when it doesn't work)
          8. get a group and ask an older man to mentor "us"
          9. let him go...
   11. Session 11 - Wounded Heart
       1. 1/2 Truths
          1. poor self esteem
          2. others to blame
          3. lack of educations
          4. defective genes
       2. Hidden truth
          1. We are cursed! with depravity
             1. we are fallen and defective, at odds with nature & God
          2. Depravity =
             1. separated from God
             2. inherited corrupt nature
             3. left unaddressed, this corrupts life with sin
          3. implications
             1. requires spiritual solution - God
             2. admitting is essential 1st step to redemption
   12. Session 12 - Implication of Heart Wound
       1. the Pain that flows
          1. born separated form God
          2. Bound to life of futility
          3. bent to do evil
       2. Depravity implies
          1. real problems are in me (not "out there")
       3. cannot be eradicated by...
          1. education
          2. environment
          3. self understanding
          4. will power
       4. Must be saved from our depravity
       5. Masks (worn by depravity)
          1. Education
          2. Religious
       6. must not trust ourselves alone
       7. Admitting is 1st step to real relationship with God
       8. Progress in Manhood will parallel understanding of ones depravity
       9. Results of depravity
          1. rule (dominate) harshly over women and children
          2. avoid domestic responsibility
          3. get lost in careers & personal pursuits
          4. ignore Gods purpose (for us)
   13. Session 13- Good News for Heart Wound
       1. From the Left (my story)
          1. didn't know much, but knew I was lost
          2. didn't have much faith, but what I had I put in Jesus
          3. didn't change much (outwardly), but something changed inwardly
       2. From the Right (whats needed)
          1. Born of the Spirit - a supernatural rebirth
          2. Must - An irreplaceable rebirth
          3. You - A personal rebirth