The Interpersonal Side of Conflict

Nature of Conflict
1. Understanding Interpersonal Conflict
  1. assumptions about conflict
    1. 1. Conflict is inevitable--to completely eliminate it is impossible.
    2. 2. Conflict can have positive effects if you treat people with respect and handle the situation honestly. It's not necessarily destructive.
    3. 3. Conflict occurs for many reasons and takes many forms. There are no pat solutions, and every situation is different.
  2. the types of conflict
    1. Simple conflict
      1. Simple conflicts occur when two people clearly express differing goals. It's important to speak openly and frankly. Treat both the person and her ideas as being equal to you and your ideas. Don't let perceptions get in the way of how you relate to her.
    2. pseudoconflict
      1. Pseudoconflicts occur when two people agree, but there is a perception of disagreement due to ineffective communication. This can be managed by asking for clarification and eliminating distortions in understanding.
    3. ego conflict
      1. Ego conflicts arise when people become emotionally involved and feel their egos are threatened. Defenses go up. It's important to refrain from responding negatively. Remain calm and let the other person explain his concerns.
  3. the outcomes of conflict
    1. Termination
      1. When a conflict becomes too severe and emotionally charged, the people involved may be unable to manage it effectively. When this happens, the participants tend to terminate, or give up, on working relationships.
    2. Avoidance
      1. Some people reduce the pain of conflict by simply avoiding it. Since the conflict still exists, this is a temporary solution, and working relationships are likely to become strained.
    3. Resolution
      1. People who use listening and creative thinking skills are usually able to resolve their problems in a way that's agreeable to everyone, encouraging teamwork and building relationships.
    4. Management
      1. Many employees manage conflict among themselves. They are willing and able to suggest and implement workable solutions to problems, which often results in new and better solutions to problems.
2. Common Sources of Conflict
  1. responsibility levels
    1. Providing clear job descriptions and organizational charts can prevent conflicts involving issues of authority or responsibility.
  2. conflicts of interest
    1. It is a common source of discord. People become so involved in "what they want," that they lose sight of what's best for the organization. It's important to recognize how individual needs fit within company goals.
  3. communication barriers
    1. Barriers, such as differing perceptions, poor listening, and language styles, can be overcome by training all employees in effective communication techniques.
  4. increased interactions
    1. As departments become dependent on one another to accomplish a job, there's a greater chance of misunderstanding.
  5. competition
    1. Establishing competitions to encourage the individual achievement is self-defeating for an organization. Companies need people to work together toward a common goal.
3. Actively Seeking Conflict Reasolution
  1. 1. Clarify your needs and wants.
    1. What do I want to happen? What do I need? What's my bottom line?
    2. Clarifying your own needs lets you see the potential benefits. It's easier to maintain your objectivity when you're positively focused.
  2. 2. Empathize with the other person.
    1. What's most important to her? What's her greatest need?
    2. Slowing down the pace by empathizing with the other person will prevent you from making incorrect assumptions, as well as overemphasizing your own oncerns. Slowing things down can also discourage people from becoming antagonistic.
  3. 3. Listen and then acknowledge your understanding.
    1. By letting the other person express her needs first, you demonstrate that you're putting her needs before yours. You avoid appearing selfish.
    2. You're more likely to suggest solutions that she'll accept if you take the time to listen. It makes you more aware of what she wants and what she wants to avoid. You appear thoughtful and concerned.
  4. 4. Propose a fair solution.
Strategies for Managing Conflict
1. Collaboration
  1. understanding the issues
  2. using assertiveness instead of aggression
  3. creative and cooperative problem-solving skills
2. Confrontation
  1. guidelines that promote productive confrontation
    1. timing: the person is ready to listen
    2. focus: focus on the current facts
    3. feelings: state your feeling
  2. strategies to build rapport
    1. Reflection
      1. I understand that you feel overworked when additional responsibilities are added to your job.
    2. I-Statements
      1. I feel frustrated when you consistently miss work because it put's you and others behind schedule.
  3. the levels of confrontation
    1. Diplomatic
      1. misunderstanding
      2. achieve understanding
    2. Gentle
      1. try to cause a change in behavior
      2. use reflection and "I" statements
    3. Firm
      1. when you demand action
      2. clear up disagreements and cause a definite change in behavior
3. Negotiation
  1. the types of negotiators
    1. aggressor
    2. cooperator
    3. distracter
    4. analyzer
    5. idealist
  2. the phases of negotiation
    1. prepare in advance
    2. define the ground rules
    3. clarify the issues
    4. bargain with the other person
    5. commit to the agreement
  3. win-win negotiation skills
Surviving Conflict Skillful Communication
1. Personality, Social Style, and Conflict
  1. personality types, communication strategies
    1. Logical
      1. Listen to the person and recognize his abilities. Avoid personal comments
    2. Idealistic
      1. Give positive feedback and treat her personably. Avoid criticism.
    3. Conservative
      1. recognize responsibility and loyalty. Provide positive commnets and praise.
    4. Creative
      1. Note his boldness and the clever way he works. Provide encouragement.
  2. social styles, communication adaptations
    1. agreeable
      1. When adapting to agreeables, be relaxed and moderately paces. Speak softly and avoid harshness. Invite conversation and draw out thier opinions. Communicate patiently and encourage them to express doubts or fears. Maintain ongoing contact.
    2. anolytical
      1. When interacting with analyticals, encourage them to make a decision, but refrain from making it for them. List the pros and cons of your proposal and the alternatives. Don't exaggerate; they'll be turned off. Allow them to proceed deliberately and slowly.
    3. practical
      1. With practicals, you can be fast-paced and energetic. Be specific, clear, and brief. Focus on the results. Select key facts and present them logically and quickly. Provide a limited number of options along with the pluses and minuses of each.
    4. motivational
      1. When adapting to motivationals, allow time for socializing. Tell people about yourself and listen to what they have to say. Find a way to have fun while achieving the objective. Focus on the big picture and follow up with details. Paraphrase agreements.
2. Communication Strategies that Work
  1. persuasive speaking
    1. First and foremost, remain calm.
    2. Next, keep it simple.
    3. Clarify statements.
  2. active listening
    1. understanding the meaning
    2. listen everything the other says
    3. they're likely to explain in more detail how they feel and why
    4. Stop talking, Remove outside distractions, stay open to new ideas.
      1. see the other person's point of view
  3. communication strategies to avoid
    1. denail
      1. There's no problem here
    2. hostile questions
      1. Who does most of the work around, anyway?
    3. personal criticism
      1. You leave a job half-finished, and never even bother to let anyone know.
    4. rejection
      1. Get real. You're just exaggerating the facts.
    5. irreverent remarks
      1. We need to finish the project, or bury it.
    6. topic avoidance
      1. I really don't want to talk about it anymore.
    7. evasive comments
      1. She might not agree with the new approach, but I don't know how she feels.
3. Communicating Your Solution
  1. 1. Prepare to reach agreement.
  2. 2. Make a conscious choice.
    1. Collaborate
    2. Accomodate
    3. Overpower
    4. Compromis
  3. 3. Picture each person benefiting.
  4. 4. Demonstrate your best traits.
  5. 5. Stay flexible.
Self-management Skills
1. Self-regulation Tactics
  1. keep a positive attitude
    1. common interest
    2. control and re-evaluate things
    3. positive body language
      1. smile
      2. eye contact
      3. moving closer
    4. Concentrate on your goal
  2. focus on the present
  3. build relationships
    1. respect
    2. trust
    3. break stereotypes
2. Managing Your Emotions
  1. recognize your emotions
    1. Understand the intensity of your emotions
    2. Identify the source of you emotions.
  2. talk about your feelings
    1. I statement
      1. Lets the other person know how you feeling without placing the blame on him.
  3. deal with your emotions through language
3. Managing Your Anger
  1. myths about anger
    1. Expression helps
    2. Aggression is instinctive
    3. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me
  2. factors influencing anger
  3. ways to manage anger
  4. the need to forgive